"Fruit Salad"

                                                             

One of the most difficult things if you are just starting to implement the Division of Responsibility in the feeding relationship is to get a good picture of what it actually looks like. We had a good example of this today at our house, so I'll give you a glimpse!

My oldest, H (six), has been in a rather picky phase lately. He hasn't liked a whole lot of fruit, but will eat a little if that is what is served. It was 2:30 and snack time - everyone was wandering into the kitchen asking what snack was. I usually try to beat them to it and at least know what snack is before they ask - it helps a TON to cut back on complaining and asking for alternatives if you have it ready!

Today was not that day and after a quick survey of the kitchen I settled on apples and nut butter. Most of the kids happily ate it, but H whined for something else (note, I know that apples is something he complains about but will eat and sometimes likes).

H: Mom, what ELSE can I have?
Me: Well, bananas go well with nut butter, too. You may have apples or bananas.
H: (Groaning) Ugh, but what ELSE can I have? I don't like those!
Me: I'm sorry. That is what we're having. You don't have to eat the nut butter. You don't have to eat any of it, but that is what you may eat now.

I turned to help someone else. We might have had another exchange or two that were pretty similar. But then I turned around and he was grabbing a bowl. I stopped him, thinking he was trying to get something else to eat.

Me: What are you doing?
H: Fruit salad!
Me: What?
H: I'm making fruit salad with apples and bananas and butter!

And he did. He cut up bananas and had sliced apples and then I helped him drizzle his nut butter over the top. And he ate it all. It looked really good, too! I never would have thought to do it that way!

Things to note: It does not always go this smoothly. Sometimes kids simply won't eat it. Or they'll complain the whole time (although you can outlaw complaining about the food). Or they might cry. Hopefully if you are offering at least one item that you know they usually accept, though, the meltdowns will be at a minimum.

This gives a good example of a balance between the parent setting the boundaries and allowing the child some freedom to choose how to execute it. (Note: we are not always perfect at this!) For this particular child, HIS ideas are super important to him, so giving him some say and allowing him to follow through with his ideas within reason is very helpful.

I hope this helps! If I notice any other good learning moments, I'll let you know! Leave your own successes (or challenges) in the comments!