What are those principles, you say? Glad you asked! Here's a recap of last week:
Self-Regulation
Study after study has shown that children (when left to themselves) have extremely good self-regulation. This means they eat generally according to their internal cues of hunger and fulness, and if they overeat one day, they will compensate on another day. It is important to note that kids regulate over a space of a couple of weeks, not in a single day, so don't be surprised if there are days (or even two or three) when your child eats like a bird and then has three sandwiches for lunch a few days later.
Kids also want to be grown ups. They WANT to eat a variety of foods like you and be mature about their eating! They have a few things holding them back, though. We sometimes forget that this whole eating thing is new for them. They went from eating nothing but breast milk to having to chew and swallow strange tastes and textures like spinach, broccoli, and meat. Some will readily jump in, but others are more timid. It really can take 8-15 tries for kids to accept a food, but most children will eventually eat like their parents.
We see children run into problems usually when well-meaning parents, well, get in the way. When we over-police our kids' eating, whether by bribing, counting bites, or in any other way pressuring our kids to eat a certain way, the kids get stressed out and don't regulate as well, which stresses the parents out, so they police the food even more, and the cycle continues. Pretty soon nobody is happy and mealtime is miserable!
Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility
So what do we do? Luckily, back in the 70's, a dietitian named Ellyn Satter came up with a method of feeding kids that takes care of a vast majority of these problems. Her method, called the "Division of Responsibility," is still the gold standard today, and is advocated by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics.
Basically, as parents, we decide the what, when, and where of eating, and our kids decide how much, if any, they eat. As long as we each stay on our side of the line, we can keep most problems at bay. The wonderful thing? Once you have prepared the meal and sat down at the table, your job is effectively done. You can relax and enjoy the meal and not have to engage in power struggles anymore!
What
- Food should be developmentally appropriate
- Generally healthy
- Multiple options (3+ for meals, and at least 2-3 for a snack, usually covering a range of food groups)
- At least one acceptable food (even if it is just fruit or bread)
When
- 3 meals, 2-3 snacks, usually every 2-3 hours
- No grazing between meals and designated snacks
Where
- At the table whenever possible
- Eat with your child
- Enforce manners, but not amount eaten
Kids' Job: How much
- Give small portions and encourage them to ask for more
- Some mess and waste are going to happen
- No pressuring, but light encouragement is okay...unless it feels like pressure :)
- Manage time at the table - it's okay to say "you need to stay at the table for at least 5, 10, 15 minutes." Kids don't need long. Too long a meal is usually a sign you are working too hard!
I hope this helps! If you have any questions, shoot us an email and/or come to our next session! If you would like more reading about the Division of Responsibility, here are some of my favorite resources:
Real Mom Nutrition - love, love, love this blog! She is funny and real and has great insight!
Ellyn Satter's website
2 comments:
So, if my 6 year old refuses to eat the main part of the meal because she does not like it, but claims she is starving, should I provide an alternative food for her? OR will she eat it if she is truly starving? There are always tears in loved, btw.
Great question. I would make sure the meal is offering 3-4 different items, one of which she will usually eat. If that is the case, lovingly say she may eat anything on the table, but insist that this is the meal for tonight. We did talk about making minor adjustments to the meal (separating certain foods like salads or tacos), as long as it is not too burdensome on you. If you were going to provide an alternative, at least put it on the table at the beginning of the meal and just make it part of the meal, that way the division of responsibility is kept and she gets used to the structure. I hope that helps!
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