"Fruit Salad"

                                                             

One of the most difficult things if you are just starting to implement the Division of Responsibility in the feeding relationship is to get a good picture of what it actually looks like. We had a good example of this today at our house, so I'll give you a glimpse!

My oldest, H (six), has been in a rather picky phase lately. He hasn't liked a whole lot of fruit, but will eat a little if that is what is served. It was 2:30 and snack time - everyone was wandering into the kitchen asking what snack was. I usually try to beat them to it and at least know what snack is before they ask - it helps a TON to cut back on complaining and asking for alternatives if you have it ready!

Today was not that day and after a quick survey of the kitchen I settled on apples and nut butter. Most of the kids happily ate it, but H whined for something else (note, I know that apples is something he complains about but will eat and sometimes likes).

H: Mom, what ELSE can I have?
Me: Well, bananas go well with nut butter, too. You may have apples or bananas.
H: (Groaning) Ugh, but what ELSE can I have? I don't like those!
Me: I'm sorry. That is what we're having. You don't have to eat the nut butter. You don't have to eat any of it, but that is what you may eat now.

I turned to help someone else. We might have had another exchange or two that were pretty similar. But then I turned around and he was grabbing a bowl. I stopped him, thinking he was trying to get something else to eat.

Me: What are you doing?
H: Fruit salad!
Me: What?
H: I'm making fruit salad with apples and bananas and butter!

And he did. He cut up bananas and had sliced apples and then I helped him drizzle his nut butter over the top. And he ate it all. It looked really good, too! I never would have thought to do it that way!

Things to note: It does not always go this smoothly. Sometimes kids simply won't eat it. Or they'll complain the whole time (although you can outlaw complaining about the food). Or they might cry. Hopefully if you are offering at least one item that you know they usually accept, though, the meltdowns will be at a minimum.

This gives a good example of a balance between the parent setting the boundaries and allowing the child some freedom to choose how to execute it. (Note: we are not always perfect at this!) For this particular child, HIS ideas are super important to him, so giving him some say and allowing him to follow through with his ideas within reason is very helpful.

I hope this helps! If I notice any other good learning moments, I'll let you know! Leave your own successes (or challenges) in the comments!

The Feeding Relationship

Did you miss our first workshop on Feeding Healthy Kids? Well, luckily there are two left which will be equally as awesome! Our next is on April 2 and is called "End the Dinner War" - all about preventing and dealing with picky eating. We will be going through the different stages, from newborn through preschoolers (and a little beyond), and discussing how to implement the principles we learned about last week to give your kids the best shot at enjoying a variety of foods.

What are those principles, you say? Glad you asked! Here's a recap of last week:

Self-Regulation
Study after study has shown that children (when left to themselves) have extremely good self-regulation. This means they eat generally according to their internal cues of hunger and fulness, and if they overeat one day, they will compensate on another day. It is important to note that kids regulate over a space of a couple of weeks, not in a single day, so don't be surprised if there are days (or even two or three) when your child eats like a bird and then has three sandwiches for lunch a few days later.

Kids also want to be grown ups. They WANT to eat a variety of foods like you and be mature about their eating! They have a few things holding them back, though. We sometimes forget that this whole eating thing is new for them. They went from eating nothing but breast milk to having to chew and swallow strange tastes and textures like spinach, broccoli, and meat. Some will readily jump in, but others are more timid. It really can take 8-15 tries for kids to accept a food, but most children will eventually eat like their parents.

We see children run into problems usually when well-meaning parents, well, get in the way. When we over-police our kids' eating, whether by bribing, counting bites, or in any other way pressuring our kids to eat a certain way, the kids get stressed out and don't regulate as well, which stresses the parents out, so they police the food even more, and the cycle continues. Pretty soon nobody is happy and mealtime is miserable!

Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility
So what do we do? Luckily, back in the 70's, a dietitian named Ellyn Satter came up with a method of feeding kids that takes care of a vast majority of these problems. Her method, called the "Division of Responsibility," is still the gold standard today, and is advocated by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics.

Basically, as parents, we decide the what, when, and where of eating, and our kids decide how much, if any, they eat. As long as we each stay on our side of the line, we can keep most problems at bay. The wonderful thing? Once you have prepared the meal and sat down at the table, your job is effectively done. You can relax and enjoy the meal and not have to engage in power struggles anymore!

What

• Food should be developmentally appropriate
• Generally healthy
• Multiple options (3+ for meals, and at least 2-3 for a snack, usually covering a range of food groups)
• At least one acceptable food (even if it is just fruit or bread)

When

• 3 meals, 2-3 snacks, usually every 2-3 hours 
• No grazing between meals and designated snacks

Where

• At the table whenever possible
• Eat with your child 
• Enforce manners, but not amount eaten

Kids' Job: How much

• Give small portions and encourage them to ask for more 
• Some mess and waste are going to happen
• No pressuring, but light encouragement is okay...unless it feels like pressure :)
• Manage time at the table - it's okay to say "you need to stay at the table for at least 5, 10, 15 minutes." Kids don't need long. Too long a meal is usually a sign you are working too hard!

I hope this helps! If you have any questions, shoot us an email and/or come to our next session! If you would like more reading about the Division of Responsibility, here are some of my favorite resources:

Real Mom Nutrition - love, love, love this blog! She is funny and real and has great insight!

www.realmomnutrition.com

Ellyn Satter's website

www.ellynsatterinstitute.org

WHAT to feed your kids, or HOW?

Most parents are somewhat familiar with WHAT to feed their kids. Doctors give advice about choking hazards. Pinterest gives advice about everything else. Most parents at least have some idea that kids need to eat three meals and a few snacks, fruits and vegetables are good, and processed foods should be limited.

What we are much less familiar with is HOW to feed them. Nobody really tells us that the way we approach feeding our kids can be the biggest determinant of them being a healthy weight, eating a variety of foods, and overall being intuitive eaters. Too often we sabotage our kids' eating because we are trying so hard to get them to eat the way we think they should.

Here are some ways we inadvertently sabotage our kids' internal regulators:

1. Bite counting - When we count bites, we are getting our kids to focus on an external reason to eat (mom or dad's random number of bites) instead of their own hunger and fullness. They get used to overriding and ignoring those cues and eventually can't hear them anymore. Instead, try giving small portions consistently, and allowing your child to choose whether or not to eat it. It takes a lot of trust in our kids, but if you can trust that they want to grow up with regards to their eating, eventually they will!

2. Withholding dessert - "You can only have your dessert if you eat your vegetables!" When we do this, we very obviously set up one food as desirable - a reward - and the other food as a chore. It leads kids to have an unhealthy minset of "this is good for me but I don't want it, that is bad for me and I crave it." Does that sound familiar? It's often the way we think, as adults, and it is harmful even for us! Instead, if you are going to have dessert, either simply offer it after dinner regardless of how much dinner was eaten, or offer a small portion along with the dinner.

3. Short-order cooking - When we give in to demands for something else when the child has already had a few good options (that are part of the meal), we set ourselves up for major frustrations! The child will begin demanding something else more and more, you will get frustrated, and mealtimes will become a time of stress. The child will also be less likely to even try what is on the table, leading to very picky eating and poor diets. Instead, offer 3-4 items at each meal (2-3 for snack), trying to have at least one "acceptable" food (even if it is simply bread or fruit), and then allowing your child to eat as much or as little of what is offered as they want. If you are offering food every few hours, they will not starve, and they will feel like they have the freedom to grow.

4. Eating with distractions - Sometimes you've got to eat in the car. I'm totally there with you. We are busy and it happens...sometimes a lot! Whether it's on the go or in front of the TV, when we allow our kids to be distracted while they eat, they are less likely to pay attention to their own internal cues and either over- or under-eat. Instead, as often as you can, try having sit-down meals at the table. If at all possible, eat with your kids - the more they see you eat appropriately, the more they will want to, too. Your example makes more of a difference than you think!

There are many more examples, but those are some to get you started! We have lots more information to come on keeping your kids healthy, so stay tuned, and if you are in the area, join us this Thursday for our free workshop!

Final Weight Loss Workshop: Nutrition

Well, we have come to the end of our first Weight Loss Workshop Series of the year. I hope you got a lot out of these classes! We will be sending out a survey via email to get some feedback for future sessions, so keep an eye out for that. Also, keep checking the blog and Facebook - we will have more workshop series in the future and will most likely revisit the weight loss series again, so stay tuned! Here is a rundown of our last session:

Goals: Where are you going from here?
We went around the room and shared what everyone's focus was going to be - what goals they have and what areas they are currently working on.

Nutrition Overview
The most basic principles of nutrition are Balance, Variety, and Moderation/Adequacy. Balance means eating food in appropriate proportions. Basic guidelines are as follows:

10-35% of your calories should come from PROTEIN
20-35% of your calories should come from FAT
45-65% of your calories should come from CARBOHYDRATE

You don't have to count calories - please don't! - just be aware that there needs to be a balance, and any diet or program that has you cut any one of the three too extremely is asking for trouble (paleo, anyone?).

Variety is pretty self explanatory - eat a variety. Of pretty much everything. A variety of vegetables, fruits, grains, protein sources, etc. If you do, you'll be covering your bases, likely won't need any supplements, and will have a healthy diet, as long as balance and moderation are used. I tend to laugh whenever a new "super food" is in vogue - there are tons of great foods! If you eat a variety, you will get all the benefit you need from different "super foods" without needing to go crazy!

**Fish Oil supplements** We had a question about fish oil supplements. These are one of the few supplements that it seems are worth taking, since most people aren't able to eat the two servings of fish recommended. Here is a good resource for finding a supplement: http://www.evelyntribole.com/resources/inflammation/omega-3


Nutrition Q&A
We talked about a number of things! You all had some great questions, some of which I (and the scientific community) don't have solid answers for yet. Here are some of the highlights:

Organic food: science hasn't found any solid evidence that organic is better. Eat fruits and vegetables, even if they are not organic, but if you can afford it, feel free to eat organic - there may be a benefit.

HMO food: hotly debated topic. Genetically modifying isn't necessarily a bad thing. The foods in question are those that have been genetically modified to be "roundup ready" - to enable pesticide spraying. Again, scientific evidence is murky. Most evidence says they're safe. Anti-GMO proponents point to a handful of studies that are not very strong.

Additives: Here is the chart of additives that I mentioned in class. It's very helpful and pretty interesting! http://www.cspinet.org/reports/chemcuisine.htm

Emotional Eating
We didn't have time for a lot of talk about emotional eating - just enough to discuss the proper way to emotionally eat! Basically, if you are going to do it, RECOGNIZE that you are doing it, and then enjoy it! Do it mindfully! Here is one of my favorite articles that sums up everything I said, only much better: http://www.fatnutritionist.com/index.php/lesson-four-emotional-eating/

Be sure to join us on March 19 for our Feeding Healthy Kids Workshop!

New workshop series: Feeding Healthy Kids

It's March now, which means two things: 1) Spring should be right around the corner, and 2) it's time to start our next workshop series!

Feeding children can be a frustrating and thankless job. Kids are learning how to be grown ups with regards to their eating, but in that learning process they do normal "kid" things - push limits, throw tantrums, are picky, eat too little or too much. Unfortunately, we, as parents, often contribute to childhood eating problems without even knowing it.

Most parents have a general idea of what they should be feeding their kids, but we receive very little training on how to feed them, which is actually the most important part. Fortunately, the principles are very simple, and that is what these workshops are going to address.

If you worry about what/how much your kids are eating, or you get the dinnertime blues (fighting, power struggles at the table), or you simply want to know how you can help your child develop a great relationship with food, come to these workshops!

Simple principles that will forever change the way your family navigates food. What's not to love? It will be time well spent! Click here for more details.